Feeling much better today. Uni is starting again properly and things social-wise are going to kick off later in the week. Hopefully that will keep me busy and I'll be able to get things back on track :-)

This seems rather applicable right now.

Well before I went on holiday I told my supervisor that I had tried many different permutations of initial conditions to get the results we are looking for, without success. I said could she run some simulations to see if she had any luck. I assumed she was doing this while I was away but she came to see me yesterday (when we were supposed to be having our meeting) and said could I email her to let her know what I had done so she didn't run the same simulations. I sent her an email outlining my most recent work and thought no more of it. Our meeting was rescheduled to today and ten minutes before the meeting she came to see me saying she needed to know all of the tests I had run and not just the most recent. I was furious (but didn't show it) because all of the simulations to date have been written up in the draft of the paper we are (supposedly) going to publish. There is a big table summerising all of the simulations we have run. I sent her an email listing all of the different test that have been run and asked if I had misunderstood what she was asking for, as they are all listed in the paper. She said that was all the information she needed. Why did she waste all this time when the information was already there? I was on holiday for a week and she could have used that time to run the simulations so we could progress once I returned.

She also asked me to redo the figures in the paper, using a different colour scheme. When I did the figures originally I sent her an email with an example for her to approve, as getting the figures to a publishable standard takes a lot of time. I explained this to her at the time as I didn't want to have to redo all of the figures (it takes around a day to put all of the finishing touches to the images).

I'm absolutely despairing at the moment with how disorginised the whole project is. In stark contrast, the supervisor who I originally was going to work with (and wish I had stayed with) went from the analysis of the results to submitting a paper in 16 days. This has been going on for 2 years! I'm somehow going to have to make up for two years of wasted time in the next three months. It's going to take a miracle.

EDIT: I've decided to arrange a (hopefully) confidential meeting with my secondary supervisor (who published the paper in 16 days) and get all of this out in the open (at least with him). This may go badly as far as my relationship with my supervisor goes but at this point I don't care. As I'm self funded I've invested a lot of money in this PhD and really don't want to see it pissed away.

EDIT 2: Well I have separate meetings with both my supervisor and secondary supervisor today. Initially I was a bit concerned as to how this would go but it really can't get much worse. I've all but failed anyway, through no fault of my own (other than not sorting this earlier).

EDIT 3: Well my supervisory meeting that was originally planned for Wednesday was then moved to Thursday, which was then moved to today has, unsurprisingly, been moved to Monday. This is because my supervisor hasn't had time to look at the results. I knew this was going to happen as I know how long it takes for the code to complete so I'm not surprise. I find it incomprehensible how disorganised someone can be.

Well yesterday went well food wise. I spent most of the day at Uni so kept myself occupied. I usually have issues when I go to the cinema or if I'm sat at home watching TVs/movies. I really don't want to have to stop doing these things so I will just have to do my best to distract myself from eating. I think forward planning is important which is why I've got dinner in the slow cooker for when I get home. Hopefully I can keep up the momentum.

Okay, a tad worse than I thought but only a tad.

Current weight 14 stone 4.25lb

So I think it would be best to set some mini goals:

Goal 1 - get back into the 13 stone range
Goal 2 - get to 13 stone 1lb as this will be back in the normal range
Goal 3 - get into the 12 stone range

Hopefully this will be a good week. I may blog midweek, if not it will be after weigh-in next Monday.

Things have been up and down for about the last 6 months. I have gained at least 1.5 stone since my lowest weight of 12 stone 6lb. I'm really annoyed as I didn't seem to have any control over it, which is scary. I'm getting back on plan tomorrow and have a fridge and cupboards full of SW friendly food. I have decided to stop going to group as I don't think the pressure of the weigh-in was helping. You're never judged if you gain weight but I'm always really hard on myself.

I read back through my previous weight loss posts and they did give me a bit of inspiration. Once I have weight in tomorrow I'll blog again and set some mini targets as I do think it helps to not look at the bigger picture. I have a wedding to go to in about 6 weeks so I'm going to do the best I can between now and then. Hopefully once the weight starts coming off again I'll start to feel a bit better about myself and that will help with the further weight loss. That's one of the big problems, when you feel crap it's difficult to break the cycle and that just makes you feel worse.    

Had a week away and I feel much better, I think. I've decided to continue with the PhD, at least until December. If I haven't made significant progress by then I'll call it a day (I only have until March next year anyway). I have a meeting with my supervisor on Wednesday and I want to discuss how we are going to move forward and make sure I finish on time.

On a side note, I had an 'interesting' dream last night about a friend. He'd recently split up with his girlfriend and we got drunk...