Post tenebras lux

After a particularly bad few months of relapse, I'm finally back in control. I decided to take the step of giving up chocolate and fast food altogether, as they were my main binge-eating foods. Everything I had read about binge eating had said not to give up any particular food, as this can trigger binging. I tried to have controlled amounts of these foods and sometimes I would be OK, and other times it would make things worse. Almost as soon as I made the decision, it was like a switch had been flicked. I didn't get any cravings or urges and I've not been off plan since I made that decision two weeks ago. I've lost 11.5lbs of the weight that I gained back and hopefully I'll reach my target weight sometime around the middle of August. I'm going on holiday at the beginning of September so I really want to be at my target weight then. 

I'm a bit apprehensive of what I'll be able to eat when I'm on holiday. There's no way I'll be able to stick to SW 100% but I'll have to do the best that I can, and choose the best options I have available. Rather than have a full fried breakfast (which you can do on SW, with some tweaks), I can have fruit and fat free yogurt. Plus we're going to Jamie Oliver's Fifteen for my birthday which, as far as I'm aware, is a set menu. I'll just have to make sure I have plenty of exercise (as there's a swimming pool and a beach this shouldn't be too difficult). 

Hopefully I'm back on track now, only time will tell.         

I was watching a show the other day called Obese: A Year to Save My Life. It does pretty much what it says on the tin. It's takes severely obese people and follows them over the course of a year, as they lose weight and save their lives. This particular episode featured a guy named Wally, who was 490lb (around 37 stones). His first challenge was to lose 110lb (nearly 8 stones) in 90 days. Now that's a hell of a feat, losing a bit over 1lb per day for 90 days. If he succeeds, him and his family would be sent to Disney Land. He managed it by the skin of his teeth, losing exactly 110lbs in the time-frame.

From there though, things started going downhill. He was challenged to lose 70lbs over the next 90 days but only managed 29. He reveals he has started eating fast food more and his trainer goes ballistic. He's set the challenge of getting back on track and doing a 100 mile bike ride. He doesn't succeed and after 40 miles needs medical attention as he's just too big to handle the extreme task.

The next 90 days are even worse. He starts eating junk food every day and is lying to his friends and family. He stops replying to his trainer, and sends what appears to be a suicide note. His trainer immediately flies over to find out what's going on. Wally says he just can't stop eating the junk food and is extremely depressed. His trainer weighs him in and he's gained back over 60lbs.

Normally, at the end of the year there's a big reveal to friends and family to show how far the person has come. Considering what's happened, Wally's trainer decides to end things there and admit Wally to rehab for food addiction. During the whole episode, I understood how this guy felt. I realised a while ago that I have a food addiction too. I got to 17 stone, half this guy's weight, but managed to turn things around. I still struggle every day though and I did slip up over the last few months and gained back about 16lbs, after losing a bit over 60. I've got things under control again and I'm losing the weight I gained back.

I don't think people quite understand how hard it is to live with food addiction, or that it even exists. If you are a smoker, you don't need cigarettes to live. If you are an alcoholic, you don't need to drink alcohol to live. If you are a drug addict, you don't need your drug to live. But you need to eat food, you can't just stop eating. You have to face you addiction 3 times a day, every day. Not only that, the advertising of cigarettes has been banned and alcohol advertisements are highly regulated. There aren't the same regulations for junk food, except during kids' TV. Everywhere you turn there are adverts; at bus stops, on billboards, on the TV, on the radio. You go into the supermarket and they have junk at the tills and junk food is always being offered for cheap. Hopefully, one day, the food industry will be made to take responsibility. Until then I'll keep going and try to keep this under control.