Okay, a tad worse than I thought but only a tad.

Current weight 14 stone 4.25lb

So I think it would be best to set some mini goals:

Goal 1 - get back into the 13 stone range
Goal 2 - get to 13 stone 1lb as this will be back in the normal range
Goal 3 - get into the 12 stone range

Hopefully this will be a good week. I may blog midweek, if not it will be after weigh-in next Monday.

Things have been up and down for about the last 6 months. I have gained at least 1.5 stone since my lowest weight of 12 stone 6lb. I'm really annoyed as I didn't seem to have any control over it, which is scary. I'm getting back on plan tomorrow and have a fridge and cupboards full of SW friendly food. I have decided to stop going to group as I don't think the pressure of the weigh-in was helping. You're never judged if you gain weight but I'm always really hard on myself.

I read back through my previous weight loss posts and they did give me a bit of inspiration. Once I have weight in tomorrow I'll blog again and set some mini targets as I do think it helps to not look at the bigger picture. I have a wedding to go to in about 6 weeks so I'm going to do the best I can between now and then. Hopefully once the weight starts coming off again I'll start to feel a bit better about myself and that will help with the further weight loss. That's one of the big problems, when you feel crap it's difficult to break the cycle and that just makes you feel worse.    

Had a week away and I feel much better, I think. I've decided to continue with the PhD, at least until December. If I haven't made significant progress by then I'll call it a day (I only have until March next year anyway). I have a meeting with my supervisor on Wednesday and I want to discuss how we are going to move forward and make sure I finish on time.

On a side note, I had an 'interesting' dream last night about a friend. He'd recently split up with his girlfriend and we got drunk...

Feel a bit better today. Not sure why exactly but it's a start. Managed to keep my eating under control today, even though I wanted to binge. It's difficult but if I can ignore the cravings, they pass in about 20 to 30 mins. Off on holiday tomorrow evening so I'll have to do the best I can food-wise. Once I get back I'm going to try to lose as much weight as I can for a friend's wedding at the end of October. If I stick at it I can shift much of the weight I have regained and then, hopefully, hit my target just in time for Christmas (a food nightmare!).  

Perhaps I should give up.

Feeling worse than I was before. Actually cried earlier for no reason. I went to the Doctor's the other day to see if I could get some SSRIs as they're supposed to help with binge eating. He said he'd prescribe them if I really wanted me to, but he recommended that I wait for my self-help appointment. As I don't like going against medical advice I said I'd wait, but maybe I should go back and see him again (he said to go back if I changed my mind).

Ugh, scrap everything I said in my last post. This is probably the lowest I have been for as long as I can remember. I try to look on the bright side because in the grand scheme of things I've nothing to complain about. But at the end of the day everyone's reference point is their own life. My PhD is going nowhere fast, despite how much I try to convince my supervisor (who is next to useless). I wasn't given the job that I was practically promised, and as a result I have no idea what to do when I eventually finish.

I guess I'll just have to KBO, as Churchill would say.