Well I had my consultation at the gym yesterday. It was really good. The guy knows what he's talking about and we discussed my goals. He said in terms of the numbers (weight, body fat percentage etc.) I'm don't need to be too concerned. I agreed and said I'm not so bothered about losing more weight (although I'd like to reach my target of 12 stone), I'm more interested in losing fat. He said that he gets results with people going two or three times a week and that, for good or bad, I won't be in the gym for very long as the workout regime will be fairly intense. This suits me as I think I'll be more likely to stick at it if I go three times a week and don't have to be in there for hours at a time.

Tomorrow he's going to do a fitness test and go through the exercise programme with me so I'll blog again after to that with how I got on.

So I finally saw a headache specialist today. He said that they were cluster headaches. We had a chat about where to go from here. He said he'll write a letter to my GP outlining the medication I need to be prescribed (steroids and Varapamil) as well as the injections being essential for if/when I get the headaches. He said that the injections are a last resort and they should be able to find the right combination of drugs that means I'll be able to live normally if/when I have another cluster.

Although it's still a bit up in the air, I feel better having spoken to someone who knows what they are talking about.

OK, time for a confession. My name is Ascendant Justice and I hate the way I look. There, I've said it. I've never been happy with the way I look. I know everyone has hang-ups about their bodies but there are things (like going to the beach) that I will specifically avoid. I don't really care who's to 'blame' (media etc), all I care about is becoming happy(er) with myself. I am happier than I was two years ago as I've lost around 4.5 stone and my weight is now in the normal range; but I still wouldn't be happy, for example, taking my shirt off in front of other people.

I saw a picture on (I think) failblog or the like that said “Life has no remote control. You have to get up and change it yourself”. It sounds clichéd but it is true. If I'm not happy with the way I look then I'm the only one who's going to be able to change it. About this time last year I joined the gym at uni. I did go regularly but I stuck to mainly the treadmill and cross trainers and didn't really get anywhere. I did the same things and not only was it boring but I didn't really see any progress, so I stopped. I've joined again now with a renewed determination. What is different this time? I've recently become single and although I have no intention of getting into a relationship soon, I wouldn't be happy with someone else seeing my body. I've got the time to sort it out before that happens and so I'm going to make the most of it. I succeeded with the weight loss when at first I didn't think I could, so this won't be any different. First thing to do is pay £10 for a fitness programme. That way I can specify my goals and the fitness instructors will design a programme to achieve those goals. I've taken various measurements so I can compare my progress in a months time. That way I'll be able to see if what I'm doing is working.

Vital statistics:

39” - chest

38” – waist (belly button)

22” - thigh

11.5” – arm     

And this.

Supernatural Convention
Star Trek

This.

(no copyright infringement intended)

Cluster Headaches

Just over a week ago I had what I thought was a really bad migraine. It was a different kind of pain, though. It was centered behind my eye and went into my teeth and jaw. Unlike migraines, being in a dark room didn't seem to help. Thankfully it went after an hour. About a week later I was woken at around 2 am by the same pain. This time, however, it was much more intense. I was restless and regardless of how much I tried I just couldn't get comfortable. In the end I was pacing up and down in the hope that the pain would go. Normally I have a reasonably high tolerance to pain but, as this had reached a 10 on the pain scale, I will admit that it did actually make me cry. I ended up in A&E but after 2.5 hours of waiting, and still no doctor, the pain had subsided and so I went home (I was extremely tired by this point). The pain came back the next day, although it was 'only' a 7, and so I returned to A&E. I had to wait about 3 hours before I finally saw the doctor. The pain had subsided again by that point but I was determined to been seen by someone.

He said that it sounded like cluster headaches (CH) and to book an appointment with my GP. He gave me some Co-Codamol in case it happened again. I had a further 3 attacks after that, the worst reaching a 9 on Tuesday but luckily I didn't have one yesterday. The doctor took some blood and I get the results back tomorrow. He told me to take Paracetamol and Ibuprofen together, but I have been speaking to some CH sufferers who have said that painkillers just won't work. If the blood tests come back as normal and I get another attack I will go back and ask for some suitable medication.

I was advised to print off a journal article and take it with me, in the hope of educating my GP a bit further with regard to CHs. It says the following:

"Cluster headache (CH) pain is considered the most severe of the primary headache syndromes and
is arguably one of the most severe pain syndromes that afflict humans."

I would say that is an accurate description of how I feel during an attack. I'm hoping that it might be viral or stress related as there is no cure for CHs and people suffer for weeks or months at a time before being pain free. Inevitably, however, the CHs will return at some point and the cycle starts over. I will update once I have the results of the blood test and/or if I have another attack.